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Throughout this bumpy road I've been traveling on I have beaten myself up over and over again because it felt like I was going nowhere. I felt like my life had taken a turn for the worst and there was nothing to be done but sit back and watch it crash and burn to pieces. Don't get me wrong I saw the blessings in my life, but they didn't matter because I had a plan and things were definitely not happening according to it. As things kept spiraling out of control I grew more and more lost. I had no idea how to get back on track because it didn't seem possible. It wasn't until watching Sometimes, Failing To Get Your Goal, Gives You Your Destiny,a video by Chubbyemu on Youtube, did I realize that I was okay. His video helped me realize that sometimes you just have to start over, reinvent yourself, and move forward from there. This post is basically about how to start the process of reinventing yourself. I do want to say that of course this might not work for everyone. I write based on my own experiences, but with a lot of love. I hope this post can help you on your journey, no matter where you are.
1. Breathe
The first thing you want to do is breathe. If you're going through a major life change chances are you're freaking out big time. Things probably feel like they're happening a mile a minute, but they're not. You can afford to take some time to yourself and breathe. Whether it's for 15 minutes or 3 days give yourself some alone time because you deserve it. There's a lot on your plate and you need to recharge your batteries even if it's the tiniest bit. Giving yourself this alone time might very well be what saves you mentally, emotionally, and even physically.
2. Figure Out Who You've Become
I feel like more times than not people forget who they are during really rough patches in life. I can say with certainty that I did. From January to a few weeks ago I had no idea who I was anymore. I found that I had become someone who made me very unhappy. The more I thought about it the more I realized that this didn't happen overnight though. Quite the opposite. I was able to pin point the exact moment when I became this angry, hateful girl. It took a lot of thinking and reflecting to come to that conclusion. From that point on I worked on coming to terms with the things that changed me. For me, it was a boy. For you it might be something completely different. Whatever it may be come to terms with it. A lot of times these changes happen because we haven't dealt properly with the events that lead up to the fork in the road. Once you deal properly with whatever it is that started this snowball effect, whether it's one thing or ten, you can center yourself and figure out who you are. Keep in mind though that you might very well not be the person before that heartbreak or job loss or even, in some cases, that death. Do not mold yourself to become this person if you are not the same. It might seem like the right thing to do because you were happy and light and everything was going perfectly, but remember that this is about figuring out who you are now.
3. Start Piecing Together Your Future
Okay, so you've taken the time- remember don't rush- to figure out who you have become. Now it's time to figure out where you want to go. You might very well decide that ultimately your goals are still the same or you might realize you have no idea what you want for your future. Either way it's okay. Your long term goals are very important, but don't start off with them. You can keep them in mind because in the end this is what will motivate you to keep going, but start off with your small term goals. Personally, I've started off with four things that I want to change before the end of the year: driving, job, school, and weight. Here's a breakdown to further the example:
2. Job- I want to get a new job
3. School- I want to enroll in university-level classes
4. Weight- I want to get back to going to the gym consistently.
After you find 3-4 things that you want to improve in a span of just so many months you can add other goals as you check things off. I recommend taking a whole month to reach one goal, but use this time limit very loosely. This process is about you, not about how fast you can get back up on your feet. Write down your goals and cross them off as you accomplish them. This way you can see your progress and this might give you a sense of direction.
So, those are the steps I'm taking to start over. It has not been an easy journey. I struggle day to day month to month and I know that even when I get back on my feet it'll still be a journey I have to constantly work on. I think the biggest piece of advice I want to give you all is to take your time and figure yourself out. Forget about your family and your friends. Forget about all the expectations that the people around you have placed on you. You have to learn to love yourself all over again. Don't ever forget that you are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourselves. XOXO
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